Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize