Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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