i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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