No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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