Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
