just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
