found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
