Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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