sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
