I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Couch. On fire.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
