Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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