Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize