I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
