I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
