I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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