Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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