I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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