Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need to calm my uterus...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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