just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
