So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you have to choose: penises or morals?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
