Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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