Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
