Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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