you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Someone came in the potted fern
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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