No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
