Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She even gives head with a lisp.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
