I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
