So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize