How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
