You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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