my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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