you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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