You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
