Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You pole danced in your parka.
i've created a new STD.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His nipple licking is glorious
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
