Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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