Ambien. No doubt about it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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