i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
