They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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