I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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