Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
