but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
