I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
