apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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