Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
