We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
