The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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