I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
