here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
