Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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