Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
