Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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