I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
