i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize