I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize