They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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