Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
