If i could tip my vagina, i would.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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