He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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