True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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