Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
