I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize