My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize