I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
