There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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