Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
and you fell through a lawn chair
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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