like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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