Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
