belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
