Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
