i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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