So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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