worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
