Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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