Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize