Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
