he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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