Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
