$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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