I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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